This weekend I was taught a lesson from being sober first hand. When you go and have a social life and enjoy things that you would have while enjoying your drug of choice- you see everything in a different light. People act different around you. People treat you different. You see them different. Getting use to seeing life in the old perspective of how you use to before you used, is not easy. The challenging part is it throws you into the emotional roller coaster and now you have to actually deal with those emotions instead of ignore them and mask over the chaos going on inside. Instead of grabbing the bottle and “getting over it”, I become an emotional wreck for about an hour because the thing I want to do most- I can’t.
I’ve heard that the first year of being sober and getting clean is the hardest part because you are dealing with life on life’s terms. It’s not on your terms any longer. You can’t ignore it. You can run and hide. Right now I’m learning that as difficult as it is for me, it’s also difficult for those around me. Not only do I have to deal with my emotional roller coaster but they have to deal with me when I’m embarrassed, lonely, hangry, tired, pissed and annoyed. Most of the time I hate it. I’m learning more about who I am and wanting others around me to understand what I don’t even understand. It’s a tug-a-war of trial and error and it’s exhausting. I consistently remind myself that the war has to be fought one battle at a time. After that- you figure out what works and what doesn’t. You have to give yourself time and patience to figure out what is good for you.
You are your own expert.