The Dream Life Is Not Perfect

People don’t like social media because it’s very easy to have an alter ego. Once I googled “how to have a daily routine as a stay at home mom” and this beautiful lady popped up. Perfect nails, luscious eye lashes, matching eyebrows, light curls in her hair, and a beautiful white smile perfectly framed with subtle lipstick. Although she went over some struggles she is challenged with, she made the #sahm life look perfect.

Sure, all women want to look great but this is what I want to explain. As we just got home from the beach, a much needed trip where we can experience traveling, a major passion of ours, I struggle with telling you how great our time was but fear the judgment that comes with it. Especially, since this has been the most radical year of my life and as I love to share, celebrate and encourage others to live their dreams, I have also gotten some #stank. I literally told my sister the other day that I wasn’t going to share that we were heading south for a few days but later realized I have now developed a fear that someone somewhere would #dislike ME for it. Not dislike what I was doing… but actually dislike ME. Most of my life I have done my own thing and didn’t care what people were saying or what they think, that’s their business and I mind my own.

In doing that, I have traveled the world, I got a college degree in my late 20’s (bachelor degree at the age of 30) I’ve had every single one of my dream jobs in one way or another, I have helped so many people focus on their dreams to chase OR focus on quitting their bad habits #soberity. I have led people, ministered to the sick, followed incredible leaders, hiked tall mountains and swam in deep waters. I have always lived fearlessly. 💙

And I would say I have a dream life because that is what I have always strived for. #livingthedream

But I don’t want ANYONE to be fooled. My life I share with you is MY DREAM. I don’t force it on anyone, I don’t tell anyone this is the only way and I NEVER try to convince someone to do what I am doing- this is only for me and my family #notsorry

But my life is not perfect either- yesterday I was enjoying our first family beach trip and today I look like a 12 year old boy house squatting with a torn tank because I didn’t find it necessary to change after I put it on (trust me it’s going in the trash after I hit POST). I struggled to feed myself and take care of the baby. I’m exhausted. I just put the baby to bed and laid on the floor because I’m. Just. Tired. I still have 4 things on my todo list that I want to get done.. and the list only obtained 5. I spend too much time on my phone while feeding the baby when I could be doing something I enjoy and don’t do much right now like listening to a podcast or reading a book (some feedings are 45 minutes long! 😭). I’ve been awake since 6:30a and the baby went to bed at 7:40p- 13 hours and 10 minutes of keeping the baby alive and safe while trying to keep my dream life “Perfect”.

And I struggled today. Emotionally. After vaca blues. “When do we go back? Why did we leave?” The answer: Because we have a really great life at home. It is not perfect but it allows us to do what we want, when we want.

And many of my friends are hurting today because they loss someone dear to them. When I hear stories like that it’s a major trigger for me and today I had to take one minute at a time and focus really hard on the progress I’ve gained since I’ve quit drinking.

I know I’ve been open and honest on different platforms, but I want you to know, this is my life in this moment- tears in my eyes filled with gratitude, thankfulness, sorrow and hope. Staying strong during my weakness knowing that it will all be okay.