This moment in August took me back to the old days. The days when I couldn’t wait to crack open a beer, pour a glass of wine, share a shot with a friend or stranger. The days when I would really live like tomorrow doesn’t exist.
Those days had to come to an end when I found my rock bottom. 6 years of battling my love hate relationship with alcohol and I had to walk away. Much like your typical abusive relationship it was cunning, baffling and powerful. I tried to control my intake- but I could not. I tried to justify my actions- but they never were. I tried to not repeat mistakes- then wake up the next day ashamed when I was apologizing for them.
As I was at The Club House before it was opened to take care of feeding my baby (Hey, a breastfeeding mother has to do what she needs to do these first 6 months!) I hopped on the bar, grabbed the first bottle I could and said “send this to Cory!” knowing it would be a good laugh! It just so happened that it was Jäger which was the fuel to many nights and the liquid of many inside joke punch lines. T-SHIRT TIME!
Memories, and lack there of, were created while drinking with friends, family and strangers that I cherish but the bad times had to end.
Two years and nine months alcohol free and yet I still make amazing memories with the same people. I still show up to the party. I still dance like crazy. I still stay up until 4am with everybody. I still sleep outside. I still sit at the bar and order food and an NA beer. I still support my favorite bars. AND I STILL STAND ON THEM!! I still love my life and I live it so much louder than I ever have and I am safe in doing so.
Two years and nine months.
I have been tempted. I have been asked. I have struggled with giving in. Motherhood has been the biggest struggle in the last two years to not give in- LOTS OF NEW STRESS! Every day I work The Program to get me through it. Taking it one day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time, making me feel more powerful and in control than I ever have in my whole life.
Don’t be afraid to show up to the party sober- chances are I’m already there.