Perfect Vision

This picture was taken in January 2010 in was in Mexico City for 6 weeks. This was a part of my two year journey in Mexico as I volunteered at a missions training base in Mazatlan, Sinaloa called Youth With A Mission and traveled to many parts of Mexico during that time. It’s the part of my life that when someone would ask me what I was doing, I would always respond with “Living the Dream.”

“Hey, what are you doing today?”

Me: Living the Dream

“What are your plans next week?”

Me: Living the Dream.

“What are you going to do while you’re in Mexico City for 6 weeks?”

Me: Live the Dream.

“How was your trip home? What did you do,”

Me: Just lived the dream.

You get the idea.

I WAS living the dream.

Beautiful, beach city with rich culture, amazing people and wonderful community that I enjoyed doing life with. After two years I had a vision of creating my own clothing line and using the proceeds to help those in need. This vision was so branded in me that I started to plan my trip back to the States to pursue my vision. My new dream.

I returned to my home state to work and start college with a fashion degree. The vision was to have a T-Shirt line that risked everything, pushed limits and surpassed what was already hanging on the racks while being a helping hand to the local community of my home town. If part of the proceeds can go to those in need, I would have a small hand in the big picture of seeing healing, growth and life to those who have lost hope.

I packed my bags.

I left my dream life.

I said good bye to countless hours pouring into a city in Mexico. Building homes, reaching young people with love and hope, running programs for teens and kids, arranging hundreds of guest to run weekly ministries during Carnival (Mexican Mardi Gras), learning to surf, speak the native language and I left.

I moved home.

Here I am.

Ten years later.

Wondering what happened.

Life gets to you.

Things change.

Vision change.

People change.

I started college in 2011 at the age of 25. I was determined and focused…. until I had to take Chem 101 and Pre Algebra!? Ugh! I made it through the first year on sleepless nights, lots of alcohol and not taking this college thing serious. I would focus more when I got to the courses I wanted to be in but these courses were not them.

My alcohol consumption sky rocketed. There wasn’t an after party that I wasn’t at. Closing down the bar and staying up for the sunshine was a normal. I still made it to class. I still made it to my other job.. for about a year. Then my life became unmanageable. I started drinking earlier in the day and harder at night. I started drinking and driving. I sometimes stopped at the bar, have a few shots, then go to my evening classes. I got accepted to travel to China (a dream of mine since 18) for a semester with the study abroad program but canceled my trip when I was charged for my DUI. Soon after that I dropped out of college.

I lost my vision.

I forgot my dream.

I moved AGAIN.

Over a few more years I secured my drinking habits to weekends and proper occasions. I balanced that pretty well and got back on my feet and started moving forward again.

I graduated college, moved to a big city and landed a corporate job.

I finally did it. I got my life back together and now I can finally go back to feeling like the 23 year old in the picture. Unstoppable.

Sure enough, heavy drinking returned suddenly and so greatly that I became lost in the flow of it and got to my lowest of low. I knew something had to change before I lost my life.

Another failed vision…

Another decision..

I knew I had to I quit drinking.

So I did.

I found The Program.

I found a different community. One where myself and everyone around me took my sobriety very seriously.

I found an amazing man.

I started a business and have worked other jobs I’ve always found exciting and creative.

I surfed more.

I traveled more.

I had a baby. 😱

I have done so many amazing things in the last 10 years and I don’t live in any regret. All the good things. All the terrible things, have lead me here.

The question came up when my baby boy was two months old. When do I go back to work? Where? What about child care? Can I work from home? Doing what?

Having all this time to think about what I want to do has brought up old dreams. I have the time and resources now to do what I’ve always wanted. I have the determination, passion and the vision.

It took me a while. It took a lot of change, heartache AND accomplishments. But I’m still here.

Living and breathing.

I am here. With my inner strength, my clear mind and much more life to live.

I see what’s ahead. I see what I can have. I’m going for it.

With perfect vision.

The Dream Life Is Not Perfect

People don’t like social media because it’s very easy to have an alter ego. Once I googled “how to have a daily routine as a stay at home mom” and this beautiful lady popped up. Perfect nails, luscious eye lashes, matching eyebrows, light curls in her hair, and a beautiful white smile perfectly framed with subtle lipstick. Although she went over some struggles she is challenged with, she made the #sahm life look perfect.

Sure, all women want to look great but this is what I want to explain. As we just got home from the beach, a much needed trip where we can experience traveling, a major passion of ours, I struggle with telling you how great our time was but fear the judgment that comes with it. Especially, since this has been the most radical year of my life and as I love to share, celebrate and encourage others to live their dreams, I have also gotten some #stank. I literally told my sister the other day that I wasn’t going to share that we were heading south for a few days but later realized I have now developed a fear that someone somewhere would #dislike ME for it. Not dislike what I was doing… but actually dislike ME. Most of my life I have done my own thing and didn’t care what people were saying or what they think, that’s their business and I mind my own.

In doing that, I have traveled the world, I got a college degree in my late 20’s (bachelor degree at the age of 30) I’ve had every single one of my dream jobs in one way or another, I have helped so many people focus on their dreams to chase OR focus on quitting their bad habits #soberity. I have led people, ministered to the sick, followed incredible leaders, hiked tall mountains and swam in deep waters. I have always lived fearlessly. 💙

And I would say I have a dream life because that is what I have always strived for. #livingthedream

But I don’t want ANYONE to be fooled. My life I share with you is MY DREAM. I don’t force it on anyone, I don’t tell anyone this is the only way and I NEVER try to convince someone to do what I am doing- this is only for me and my family #notsorry

But my life is not perfect either- yesterday I was enjoying our first family beach trip and today I look like a 12 year old boy house squatting with a torn tank because I didn’t find it necessary to change after I put it on (trust me it’s going in the trash after I hit POST). I struggled to feed myself and take care of the baby. I’m exhausted. I just put the baby to bed and laid on the floor because I’m. Just. Tired. I still have 4 things on my todo list that I want to get done.. and the list only obtained 5. I spend too much time on my phone while feeding the baby when I could be doing something I enjoy and don’t do much right now like listening to a podcast or reading a book (some feedings are 45 minutes long! 😭). I’ve been awake since 6:30a and the baby went to bed at 7:40p- 13 hours and 10 minutes of keeping the baby alive and safe while trying to keep my dream life “Perfect”.

And I struggled today. Emotionally. After vaca blues. “When do we go back? Why did we leave?” The answer: Because we have a really great life at home. It is not perfect but it allows us to do what we want, when we want.

And many of my friends are hurting today because they loss someone dear to them. When I hear stories like that it’s a major trigger for me and today I had to take one minute at a time and focus really hard on the progress I’ve gained since I’ve quit drinking.

I know I’ve been open and honest on different platforms, but I want you to know, this is my life in this moment- tears in my eyes filled with gratitude, thankfulness, sorrow and hope. Staying strong during my weakness knowing that it will all be okay.

I Can Be Too Comfortable

I can be too comfortable

I can share too much

When it comes to being an open book- I don’t have a crutch

I can be too honest

I can take criticism like water on ice

I can bend and contort until you can’t recognize my face

But never will I break

I can believe the lies

Take every no for what it’s worth

And ignore anyone who crosses me

I can be the good in every situation

I can provide guidance, life and wisdom

I can take the path laid and paved without becoming a wavering wheel

I can do all of these things on my own

I can do all of these things on my own

Now after breaking free from insecurities, being the puppet, living for others, putting myself last, proving myself, thinking I was stupid, thinking I was worthless, pleasing others while I, myself, am unhappy, and mastering the art of a contortionist, I no longer use my openness, my vulnerability and my weakness to allow anything to control my life.

I control my life.

I control my life all on my own.

{The strength of a fierce addict in recovery}

The Wreckless Lifestyle

The picture on the left was taking 5 years ago when I was in the middle of my drinking days, unhealthy, had no idea where I was in my life. In the months before I dropped out of University to take care of court costs from a DUI, right after I lost a job from day drinking before work, wrapped my car around a tree, had to literally leave Ohio to get out of the trouble I couldn’t seem to escape and moved to North Carolina. This picture was taken while we were at the beach and I was trying to learn how to balance drinking alcohol with life. But I know that I’m completely wasted in this picture because I never understood the concept of balance. I had crossed the invisible line and was never going back. I would convince myself that I knew when to stop but would never show it. I would convince others who loved me and were concerned that I was okay and I got it under control. I would do things others wanted me to do just so they would get off my back about drinking and over look my mistakes or bad habits. I was a people pleaser that lived off of being put down, judged, cheated on, talked about, lied to, verbally abused, harshly criticized, ALWAYS taken advantage of, and gave up on the girl my first 25 years of my life had worked for. I was done. I was gone. I knew I would self medicate for the rest of my life because I was shit and there wasn’t anything or anyone who could tell me other wise.

I was so lost in my depression that alcohol would bring me out of.

I was so hopeless in my depression that alcohol would keep me in.

Though I had successes in the following three years, over coming alcohol wasn’t one of them. I got back in university and graduated while getting two promotions at my job. I landed a kick ass corporate job in Raleigh only a couple of months after graduation. I found the greatest man a girl could ask for (and luckily I’m still with him ♥️). And I was on my way to ruling the world.

Until alcohol almost took it all away from me.

In Spring of 2017 I went to Intense Out Patient Rehab and learned that I’m not shit. I can get back to who I am. I’m able to have everything I’ve ever dreamed of AND MORE! I learned that some people have a rough road that they can get through. I learned I can still have a kick ass job and still rule the world.

The picture on the right was taken a month ago after Kevin and I sat on the beach talking about the plans I have of what all Wreckless can be. We game planned and brainstorm of how to start (can’t wait for September 23rd!) and what the next steps will be and what we will add over time. If I could ONLY TELL YOU EVERYTHING that we truly believe this will grow into, you would think I’ve picked up the bottle again!! I’m not kidding!

The picture of the lady on the right is me. Healthy. Eating right. Keeping my mind right. Drinking a piña colada mock-tail (pineapple coconut spark 😁) and on a family vacation with everyone who has seen my dark sides of alcohol. I have dreams. I have goals. I have my team beside me to help and encourage me along the way. I have everything I could have asked for because I was able to get myself back. I still have to hustle every day for it but now I can do that fully functioning.

The difference I saw in myself when I decide to change things is so remarkable that I almost can’t believe the girl on the left ever existed.

It is possible to get out of a rut. It is possible to get life back. It is possibly to have dreams and goals that are ACTUALLY achieved. It is possible because people CAN do it. Most people can do it while not having to quit drinking but I CANT! And there are others out there like me!

The Wreckless is a safe community where people can come and be who they are. They can get away from their reckless life style and find solitude in knowing they don’t have to prove themselves to anyone but their true self. This isn’t just for alcoholics like me. This is for everyone. For everyone who knows they are in a place where they don’t want to be in and need shelter and help to get out of it. For everyone who struggles with substance abuse, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, OCD, and the list goes on. Mental disorders is the root cause of most abuse we put ourselves through or allow ourselves to take and we can manage it and live a healthy life. We just have to believe in ourselves again and learn that there is more to this life.

Join this community and learn how to overcome yourself and walk away from your reckless life style to live a Wreck-less one.

Instagram: @_thewreckless_

Gratitude as an Exercise

Since March of this year I have become a fitness coach working alongside of some of my favorite life coaches I’m thankful to have.  Over the past 5 years I have become involved in the fitness industry as, what most would say, a committed class attendee.  When I first started working out in North Carolina with my Aunt, life long mentor, coach, and friend, I realized how much “moving” made me feel alive.  I was a pretty consistent studio student while working 40 hours at a restaurant and attending college full time.  This existed for a good part of three years until I moved to Raleigh after finding a good “post grad” career working at a call center and living with a few young professionals.  I was obsessed with work and drinking alcohol 3-4 nights a week and got back into the whole “I don’t have time for the gym right now, I’m focused on my career!”  Which involved sitting at a desk and placing orders via CRM for 8+ hours a day.  I became immobile.
For about 7 months.
During this time my drinking became heavier during those 3-4 nights rather than consistent.  Like it mattered… Being an alcoholic really gives you the thoughts like “I can control it- I didn’t drink last night, did I?” “I CAN just have one.. See?” “Just because I drank all day Saturday doesn’t mean I need help. I haven’t drank all week- I deserve to relax.”  We become so entitled to the fact that alcohol is a friend we can welcome whenever we’re in the mood.  I’m able to drink, I deserve it.
In the earlier part of 2017, I still had this mind set.  I was working long  hours in a beautiful city that I rarely enjoyed and becoming more entitled to drinking however I wanted because I was still going to work, paying my bills, and keeping my life in order.  The gym happened about 1-2 times a week and my health was the last thing on my priority list.  I was eating heavy foods and drinking heavy becasue I was now a young professional in her 30’s that has her life in order.
On the outside.
The drinking and eating and working at a desk was killing me.  I was missing community, healthy community, that I have experienced in my life and i was keeping myself so busy with work that I didn’t bother to build friendships around me.  I had few friends at work and my roommates were great companions so I didn’t see the point of having anyone else.  My boyfriend lived in Ohio and we would visit each other as we could for the few months I lived in North Carolina.  He was catching on to the depression I was living in.  I wanted to be with him but my love for “proving myself to others” was the top priority every day.  I was blinded by the fuzzy vision of the drinks every day feeling like I had to prove to everyone that I was “going to make it in the big city and be successful.”  I didn’t realize that my love for alcohol kept me trapped in thinking that I already had it all when I really was alone! I was drowning in liquid obsession and trying to present to the world someone I never truly meant to become.
Or wanted to be..
Knowing I needed a major change in my life my family came together and brought me home.  Even against my will!! I knew I needed help getting back to a place where I felt comfortable with myself and confident in my own skin and regain my purpose in my life.  Without money driving me mad and without thinking alcohol was the best medicine to cure the lonelieness, I needed something extream to get be back on track.
A hard reset.
In my journey home, I started working out 4 consistent times a week again with my best friend, sister and coach, getting professional help, and growing a support group around me to help me keep busy and remind me that EVERYTHING will be okay.  Filled with embarrassment, guilt, shame and humiliation, I had a lot to recover from and focus on.  I am someone who wants to know, in detail, the Who, What, When, Where, Why and How to every situation, I was completely in the dark with ONLY the next step AND I had to be okay with that…
It was the most difficult first few months back.  Every day had it’s own challenge.  Every day had it’s ups and downs but every day was one day further from the last day I drank alcohol.
Every day became more clear.
Encouragement came back to me.
Hope was restored.
Determination was something I believed in again.
Believing in myself, my dreams, my goals was ACTUALLY something I had back in my own hands.
For four months I was finding help from Catalyst Life Services and Recovery Center in my home town that I will forever be grateful for.  It’s because I was giving them a chance, and giving MYSELF a chance, to make things in my life different.  I believe in these services and centers and know that when people are open for a change, these facilities are available.  There are rehab facilities that cost a FORTUNE and I wasn’t able to afford that!! With the insurance I had, these recovery facilities are affordable for people who want help.  REALLY WANT HELP!
I wanted it.
I wanted it so bad every bone in my body was craving recovery. I wanted my life back.  I was sick of having times where alcohol gave me set backs that took me months to bounce back from and when I did I would mess up again.  I needed the tools, encouragement, and endurance to break free of my lust of alcohol.
I was over it.
#OVERIT
And this is my story.  My success story.  The story I didn’t mean to write when I started this post but what it has turned into may be something someone around you may be going through.  Or you’re going through.  Or you may have to step up one day, like my family did, and do something for someone close to you.
I am FILLED with a grateful heart of how far I’ve come.  The summer of 2017 I was making $80 a week and somehow paid my bills while “working on myself”.  Looking back now I couldn’t have imagined what the price of it would be if I didn’t make a change.  Now I’m making WELL over $80/week, I’m coaching at my home gym, running a residential cleaning business, mentoring a small group of women going through what I’ve gone through, and feeling on TOP of the world.  I will never be able to financially pay back those who have helped me but the truth is – They don’t want their money back.. They just wanted ME back!  And knowing that keeps me going.  Not only do they have me back but I have ME back.
I have bounced back.
I exercise regularly. I move weights.  I run.  I do jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups, burpees, chest presses, squats.
I exercise gratitude, joy, love, patience, kindness, meditation, regularly.
I couldn’t be more grateful for how far I’ve come in one year.  For this reason I am competing in a CrossFit competition tomorrow that is raising money and awareness for a Recovery Facility in Medina, Ohio.  I’m not that great at CrossFit but because I believe that there are others like me out there, that need help and WANT it, I am going to support and make a fool of myself.  I’m supporting a good cause and taking a stand for the lost, the hopeless, the embarrassed, the guilty and saying “You can get through it and come out alive!” “You can make a life for yourself after you hit rock bottom.”
With every Wall Ball I throw I’m standing for encouragement.
With every Clean and Jerk I do tomorrow I’m standing for hope.
With every Assault Bike calorie I burn I’m standing for determination.
I believe there are others out there like me and I stand for them.
“By succeeding your battles, you win the war.”  – Nikki Hendershott

Weekend Trip

This weekend I had the opportunity to hike a mountain that is very dear to my heart. Eagle Rock is a special place where I spent my early twenties doing some incredible things: Ministry, discipleship, stepping out of my comfort ZONES, learning to be adaptable and to never lose faith when shit hits the fan. Life isn’t easy. Life isn’t full of everything you want. Life doesn’t promise you ANYTHING! LIFE IS COMPLETELY WHAT YOU MAKE IT!

I have hit rock bottom several times and have needed to adjust on a whim to something new and make changes to better myself and get my shit together. It’s challenging, uncomfortable and ugly but it’s totally worth the hassle to have a life you always have dreamed of.

It doesn’t matter how many time you fall down. What matters is how many times you get back up again.

#thewreckless

When life gives you lemons.

As the saying goes: When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

But did you know that by using the same seeds floating in your lemonade you can grow a lemon tree? It’s pretty simple. All you need is some good fertilized soil and a fresh lemon seed from your fresh squeezed lemonade that you’re sipping on. Clean the seed off of any pulp that may be on it and plant it in a small pot for it to start the growing process.

Wait two weeks.

…………..

If you have the patience to wait for two weeks before the sprouting starts then you may make the cut for the lemon tree business. As the sprout grows you will need to repot the lemon tree to give it the adequate water it needs to be healthy and produce the lemons for your future lemonade. Always make sure it has plenty of of sunlight, even if you need to purchase a sun lamp for cooler, dark winter months. Repot the sprout when necessary and with gentleness as to not disrupt the roots to the point of potential damaging to the growing process.

The sprout will eventually strengthened to the point where your lemon tree looks like a twig sticking in the dirt. Progress!! From this point on you should be able to understand the amount of water and sunlight your lemon tree needs to grow.

Continue tending to your twig and don’t lose heart when you think you should be producing lemons.

Wait three to six years..

………………. What??!

Three to six years?!

Yes! Three to six years it takes for you to produce the fruits of your labor and tending to your twig if a lemon tree!

Seems like busy work for something you can’t enjoy right away, right? Here’s the thing about lemon trees though.

They can produce 600 pounds of lemons a year.

Lemon trees produce lemons ALL YEAR LONG!

The leaves can be used for lemon tea.

The rinds if a lemon can be grated and used for baking.

Lemons are acidic enough to be used for cleaning products.

And the list goes on! There are so many benefits to having a lemon tree if we are willing to have the patience and care to get through the sprouting process.

Often we do give up. We don’t see the fruits of our labor, literally, and give up. Or don’t want to take care of something when we can’t see progress and know if it’s actually working. We forget what the end goal is and don’t trust the process anymore when it’s slow, long, tiring, our patience runs thin. We want to see change happen so automatically that we can’t allow ourselves to trust that whatever it is we’re waiting for, or working towards, is already in progress.

When you go through a change, or if you’re going through a change, and your patience is low and running thin, remember why you decided to make a change. Or start a change. Or tried something new. Finish it out to the end. See the fruits of your labor.

LITERALLY!!

You can’t lose heart if you don’t lose sight and where motivation runs low, dedication will pick you up again.

Keep yourself watered. Get sunlight. Rest. Reflect. Remember.

And the next time life gives you lemons plant a lemon tree because eventually you will have 600 pounds of lemons and everyone can benefit from the fruits of your labor. You can bring shade to those around you that are waiting for their twig, offer a fresh lemonade to those who are tired and thirsty. Remind those near that the process is worth it.

Wait.

And sip some lemonade.

Motivation

What do you do when you don’t feel motivated? When you want to just stop? When you want to give in?

Where do you go when you want to let loose and give up on everything you’ve worked hard for?

What do you eat?

What do you drink?

Who do you hangout with?

Why do you take steps back that only satisfies yourself while leaving your team mates in the dust?

When does the motivation run dry and everything you’ve worked hard for doesn’t matter that much anymore? In one single moment, you stop giving a damn and give up.

Or drink up.

Or eat up, blow up, shoot up, snort up, shop up, smoke up, throw up. Pop more pills, binge sleep, binge watch tv, the list goes on and it catered to every one on the world of what our antics are. Why does it seem that in a single moment, all of the hard work and time we have put in to stay away from our bad habits, our outlets, or cut back on them as much as we needed to to have a healthy sustainable life, can be simply washed away from something that triggers us?

Even something so little.

At what point does our motivation to stay focused doesn’t seem worth it?

I have MANY different types of people in my daily life that struggle with different addictions and DAILY have to work on those. On most cases, they give up because motivation isn’t enough for them anymore. I hear things like:

“Well it was just one night and I had a bad week.”

“I mean, I’ve been good for this long so I thought I could cut loose for a while.”

“It’s really wasn’t suppose to be a big deal, just a few hours after work then I wake up in jail… again.”

“I’ve put some weight on but I didn’t want to be too heavy… I thought I was okay to do it once a week and now it’s every day again.”

“My buddy was in town for a funeral and wanted me to do it with him in honor of our friend.. it’s fine I won’t do it again.”

STOP!

Just STOP!

Our excuses are just justification that convince our emotions of the actions we’re taking when we know we are in the wrong!

If you fall IT’S OKAY!

You can always get back up.

And to help you feel better- YOU DONT HAVE TO START OVER!

Many times people think that when they fail they have to start over. Easily not true. Listen: If you are training for a marathon with a strict diet and workout schedule and you cheat over the weekend with beer and pub foods and don’t workout one bit, it may slow you down and affect your time but it doesn’t mean you forgot how to run.

Remember why you started something, or why you STOPPED something. Don’t lose sight of that. You don’t have to start over you just have to keep going. You know how to do it because you’ve done it before. We all have what it takes within us and know what the next right thing to do is. We just got to dust our shoulders off and get back up and keep doing it. Your team mates are still on the field, cheering you on, as your biggest fans. Know who you need to reach out to when motivation isn’t enough.

Where motivation leaves you, discipline picks you back up.

We have learned new habits to replace the old habits and we have the discipline to stick with our goals. We have done it.

We are doing it.

We can achieve the smallest success with our major struggles and those become major success stories that allow us to become a master over our struggles.

Major Struggle: Car broke down. Business is slow. I’m running out of funds and now I need a new car.

Small success: Made coffee instead of drinking alcohol.

Major success story: Stayed sober while dealing with life on life’s terms as they happen.

Easy does it, take a breath.

Xoxo

Take A Break

I have been kidnapped!

Since the fall season has hit my life has been non-stop.  Holidays, birthday parties, weekend trips with my friends and family, my best friend’s wedding and planning an adventure throughout Asia with my man has taken up every ounce of my free time.  These are all good things to be focused on and have kept me busy during my recovery but at one point I found myself getting sick and fighting through it so I could keep up.  The first week after the New Year this sickness was coming through in waves and I was fighting it HARD! After all the festivities, I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GET SICK BEFORE GOING TO ASIA! I still had work, packing, shopping for trip items and keeping up with the house.  There was no time for me to stop and take care of myself if I got sick.

During this time I was thinking of personal New Years Resolutions that I wanted to commit to for 2018.  Many things come to mind: Grow my business, get into the best shape I’ve been in, love more, volunteer, start a second business, finish flipping our home, reach out to those who struggle with addiction.  The list goes on.

As I wanted to hit the ground running in 2018 to reach and maintain my goals for the new year my body was literally slowing down.. Telling me to stop.  Rest and nip the sickness in the ass before I fell on mine and I wasn’t listening AT ALL.

Then there was a snow day.

Usually as adults we don’t get snow days like in our younger years but in my line of business when kids are home from school I don’t typically go to work.  Because of the 4degree weather that day my plans taking my niece and nephews tubing got moved. Even though I was sad about not making money that day or having fun with the kids that night this is exactly what I needed. I needed the break my body had been calling for.  I sound lazy and really hate admitting it, but I was probably awake for about 4-6 hours total the entire day and still slept fully though the night.  I impressed myself with this because I never sleep to that extent and the next day I had woken up feeling alive and well again.

I needed to Take A Break.

This one day of sleeping and resting my bones had given me enough strength to battle whatever the sickness was I was fighting.  This, in turn, allowed me to take care of EVERYTHING I needed to do the week prior to our Asia trip.  Work, working out, three last minute runs to the store, birthday parties; it was all finished! Except tubing has to wait until our return. 🙂

I was fighting that sickness and struggling to make it through the couple of weeks we had between New Years and our Asia trip because I knew the break was coming.  We had been planning the trip for a couple of months knowing it was right at the end of a very busy season in our lives and have been looking forward to getting away.  But why did I let myself get to the point of exhaustion, or becoming ill, before I allowed myself to sleep an entire day away?  Why didn’t I take a short break in while waiting for the real one?  Still, I don’t have an answer for my questions, but I did place a new New Years Resolution on my list.

Take A Break before you throw in the towel. Make time and put effort into taking care of yourself.  If your running a race don’t get to a point of giving up before you take time to get some water and refresh your bones.  If you are working on a project and your mind starts drawing a blank, just walk away from it for a short time, even a couple of days.  Allow yourself to get a clear mind and remember why you started that project anyway. If you’re swamped with work and feel like you need time with your family, then plan some time so you can walk away from work to get that quality time in. Whenever I start to say,” I have a lot going on. I have a lot to do. I can’t keep up.”, my boyfriend will look at me and say, “Don’t ever do it or you’ll be right were you were.”  Meaning: I’ve seen you here before, and if you don’t slow down you know it can lead to potentially drinking again.

Currently, he is asleep beside me, effortlessly flaunting is neck pillow and sleeping mask on a 15.5-hour flight to Asia.  After our day layover in Taiwan we will head to Vietnam for a week and spend time with friends then were off to Thailand for our own getaway.   We’re taking a break.  We’re going on an adventure that we never thought we would go on.  Getting regrouped, refreshed and rested before our return home.

We don’t always have to overextend ourselves to get our daily tasks done.  Or reach our goals.  Or do all the things we think we need to do, or what others think we need to do.  We just need to stick true to ourselves, take care of ourselves and do the next right thing.

For me- it’s taking a break.

To choose happiness means to choose change.

We always say “If you don’t like _____, change it.” This goes beyond your career, living situation, groups of peers, extracurricular activities, the way you look, the way you feel- whatever it is that you don’t like. This hits the core of why you don’t believe you CAN CHANGE these things. We feel compelled to stay in shitty situations or circumstances because of how we have created it in our minds BUT once we notice that we can change what we have created- we notice we are capable of changing ANYTHING!! You don’t have to stay at your job you’re unhappy with because you believe you’re not going to find something better. You don’t have to hangout with shitty people because you believe you can’t find new friends. You don’t have to be unhappy because according to others “you’re not where you should be.” YOU DONT NEED ANY OF THAT!! We have created these thoughts and beliefs by everything and everyone around us. If you need to change something- CHANGE IT! And if you need help- ASK someone you trust to help you! Be vulnerable and humble. Happiness is a choice whether we believe it or not because we CHOOSE what we allow in our lives to make us happy and we CHOOSE what we get rid of that doesn’t make us happy. FORGET what others think or say- change things for yourself! We have the power to do so if we just allow ourselves to feel worthy of having a good life full of the things that we want. We can change EVERYTHING